The Third "M"

My smoking-hot, mega-talented and infinitely-wise friend Chrissy Bray (check her out: http://www.chrissybray.com/) , upon learning I was flying to Buenos Aires, told me excitedly that I would love it because it was the city of three Ms: Meat, Malbec and Men. 

After writing posts on the other two, this post is dedicated to shedding some light on some of  my experiences with the men of Buenos Aires. Mum, probably don't print this one out for Nanna. Just kidding. Kindof. 




Ok, so I've mentioned before that the locals of Buenos Aires are called Portenos (there's a wavy line above the n that I can't get my keyboard to type.. but you get the idea), meaning, from the Port. A typical porteno has longish hair, lives with his parents until the age of 28, loves football and is an insatiable flirt. Ofcourse I'm generalising. But y'know, mas or menos (my favourite spanish phrase - meaning more or less.. you can use it for everything.. but I digress).

Street, Bar, Police Station, Emergency scenarios (more on that later).. any opportunity is the right opportunity for a porteno to test out his powers of flirtatious persuasion. Now, as far as I have sussed things out.. just because a porteno compliments you, declares his love for you, spends the entire night staring at you etc it doesn't actually mean that he would want anything to happen between you. Often he is just letting you know that he is a male and has noticed (and appreciates the fact) that you are a woman. He is probably married or long-term-girlfriended. Telling a woman he thinks she is beautiful is a reflex reaction akin to yawning. He probably isn't even aware he is doing it.

Street
If you are the type of girl who gets freaked out when construction-site workers wolf-whistle as you walk past, do NOT come to South America. You will hate it. If you feel this way AND are a high-vis blonde, like me, you will spend most days in tears. For my part, although I am amazed by the frequency and inappropriateness of comments (really? do you expect me to hand over my number to a complete stranger who tells me he will f@$% me into 8 pieces? Really?), I would be totally lying if I said I didn't enjoy the attention or sometimes let a private smile slip as I walk past. The attention varies from the genuinely sweet or clever - my gorgeous friend Lucia tells me she had a lovely old man declare "Finally, my eyes have had breakfast"  upon seeing her on her way to work one morning - to lewd kissing and tongue-flicking gestures. Fairly animalistic and gross.

The flirtatious comments have been given the name of "piropos" - which translates something like "fire eyes". There's some pretty cool ones that do the rounds (not that I understand them at the time) like - "Look at those curves! And here I am without breaks"; or "If you cook like you walk, I want to eat scraps!". Sometimes I wish I had one of those head-cameras, I'd call it piropos-vision, to capture the lustful looks and neck-snapping head-twists, that take place as you walk down the street. It's quite comical.

For further insight, check out this entertaining video (the chica who made it has become a bit of a local celebrity after originally posting a video about her asshole ex-boyfriend).. http://vimeo.com/36509870

Bar
Ok.. so this is where Porteno men really shine.  For them, picking up a girl is really just a game where they can put into practice their excellent skills.. and they really love the game! If you don't play the game i.e. if you (a) accede too easily or (b) don't show sufficient interest.. you aren't fun to play with and they'll probably look for someone new. It's a lot like fishing. They bait their hook and put it out there, often starting with direct staring or a flirty comment. Being obviously foreign, I provide the perfect opener of "de donde sos?" Where are you from?.. they chat/bullshit for a little while, testing for nibbles and revealing themselves as Chamuyeros (a silver-tongued, smooth-talking, bullshit artist lothario), then attempt to reel you in (this can be via attempting to kiss you there and then.. or by buying you a drink), then they release the reel, they'll go for a walk and survey their options, they won't call for a week etc.. then they will start again with the charm offensive and attempt to reel you in again. Release. Repeat. There's a whole chunk of porteno slang dedicated to the dating game and describing the male approach. e.g. you describe a guy who demonstrates this hard-to-get, hot and cold technique as an Histerico. FYI, the girls (portenas) play their part equally well in this game and are called Histericas.

Emergency Situations
Ofcourse, you know I love a good story. And Bs As has provided ample fodder for cracking story accumulation. This is one of my favourites (don't worry, it's short), that illustrates perfectly the men over here. Ok.. so I was walking along the street one night when I hear the sounds of an approaching fire engine. Sure enough, further down the street I could see smoke emerging from an apartment. As the fire-truck nears, I notice it start to slow down. I think "Gosh! They don't know where the fire is, I will put on my helpful face and show them where they need to go". Stopping beside me, the firemen lean out the window of the truck ..I wait, expectantly and ready to point and give directions in fumbled spanish. But no..  "Hola! Hermosaaa!! Que tal?! Dame tu numero!!" Etc etc (note.. my spanish is crap. this is along the lines of what I understood).

Yup. That's right. The firemen had slowed down to flirt with me and ask for my number. ON.THE.WAY.TO.A.FIRE.

Obviously a pretty extreme example, but I feel, very fitting for capturing the incorrigible nature of the men over here. And definitely not isolated. There's also the police officer who took my number from my official statement to ask me out (see Cops Are Tops). And the Museum Cloakroom attendant who asked me out after getting my number from the form I completed when checking-in my bag.

The result is that I've become something of a Chamuyera myself. Enjoying the funny, flirty conversation and the chance to practice my spanish.. but not viewing the guys as holding any viability in a serious romantic capacity. Muy histerica. My friend Bill, American ex-pat, tells me that the vast majority of ex-pats here, after experimenting with the locals intermittently, tend to end up dating other ex-pats.

Hate the game, not the players. Although actually, I'm quite enjoying both thank-you-very-much.